How to Travel to Scotland
Thursday, July 17
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How to bonk a lady
The ultimate souvenir / Das perfekte Souvenir
- Take bus to airport
- Fleeing from a perfume doused lady, take up residence in front row
- Make curious bus driver green with envy (We're going to Scotland!) in between hasty gulps of fresh air each time she opens the door
- While away a couple of hours at Amsterdam airport window shopping
- Be bored out of your skull and browse the shops some more
- Don't miss the souvenir and clothes shop: wooden clogs, windmills and tulips galore
- Bonk with your foot against the base of a scantily clad mannequin while walking over to the clothes section
- Make snappy comment about the bloomin' thing being in the way
- Bonk with your foot against the base of the scantily clad mannequin on the way back to the windmills
- Have giggling fit
How to arrive
The elegant lady / Die elegante Dame
- Finally land in Paisley airport
- Say "Welcome home" to the elderly Scottish gentleman in the seat next to you which makes him laugh
- Head across the grey and pink carpet, past the "Welcome to Scotland/Fàilte gu Alba" signs to pick up your luggage and grab a taxi
- Remember the location of the guest house from the previous year, so you're certain the taxi driver doesn't give you the scenic route
- Actually, learn some new shortcuts from said taxi driver and get to know some interesting back streets
- Manage to work the Victorian doorbell on the third try
- Say hi to the black cat. We're back!
How to go to the bathroom at the Grassroots
Scottish weather / Schottisches Wetter
- Follow the toilet sign in the back
- Get lost in a many-doored hall
- Ask security guard for the way
- Get told to just "go behind the tree"
- Yep, that's the correct door
Last edited: 29 August 2008 14:03:07