Thursday, July 17

How to bonk a lady

The ultimate souvenir / Das perfekte Souvenir
The ultimate souvenir / Das perfekte Souvenir
  1. Take bus to airport

  2. Fleeing from a perfume doused lady, take up residence in front row

  3. Make curious bus driver green with envy (We're going to Scotland!) in between hasty gulps of fresh air each time she opens the door

  4. While away a couple of hours at Amsterdam airport window shopping

  5. Be bored out of your skull and browse the shops some more

  6. Don't miss the souvenir and clothes shop: wooden clogs, windmills and tulips galore

  7. Bonk with your foot against the base of a scantily clad mannequin while walking over to the clothes section

  8. Make snappy comment about the bloomin' thing being in the way

  9. Bonk with your foot against the base of the scantily clad mannequin on the way back to the windmills

  10. Have giggling fit

How to arrive

The elegant lady / Die elegante Dame
The elegant lady / Die elegante Dame
  1. Finally land in Paisley airport

  2. Say "Welcome home" to the elderly Scottish gentleman in the seat next to you which makes him laugh

  3. Head across the grey and pink carpet, past the "Welcome to Scotland/Fàilte gu Alba" signs to pick up your luggage and grab a taxi

  4. Remember the location of the guest house from the previous year, so you're certain the taxi driver doesn't give you the scenic route

  5. Actually, learn some new shortcuts from said taxi driver and get to know some interesting back streets

  6. Manage to work the Victorian doorbell on the third try

  7. Say hi to the black cat. We're back!

How to go to the bathroom at the Grassroots

Scottish weather / Schottisches Wetter
Scottish weather / Schottisches Wetter
  1. Follow the toilet sign in the back

  2. Get lost in a many-doored hall

  3. Ask security guard for the way

  4. Get told to just "go behind the tree"

  5. Yep, that's the correct door
Last edited: 29 August 2008 14:03:07